


Elul

by Sosayweall777



Category: Holby City
Genre: Berena Remix Fic Exchange (Holby City), Elul, F/F, Forgiveness, Grief, Help yall, wow how do i always put Judaism into everything???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-10-13
Packaged: 2020-12-14 20:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21021869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sosayweall777/pseuds/Sosayweall777
Summary: Serena seeks forgiveness for old wounds. A gift for the 2019 exchange





	Elul

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Caveat](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9579713) by [Anonymouth](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymouth/pseuds/Anonymouth). 

Serena sat quietly in the bedroom. She ran her hand through her dark grey locks and sighed. She waited for the telltale footsteps coming up the stairs to bed and she felt her body tense in anxious anticipation for what was coming. 

The conversation. 

Serena had done this since she was a young. As a Jewish girl in a conservative family, Elul was an important time. She could recall her father telling her the importance and significance of these days of the month leading up to the High Holy Days. She could recall the apologies of young girlhood, the sorrys for breaking something and lying, the tiny things so insignificant now. This would be a much heavier conversation. 

Footfalls in the distance snapped her out of her reverie. 

“Hello darling” Serena said warmly as Bernie came into the room, peeling off her lycra and running gear. 

Bernie smiled back before heading towards the shower. Serena had waited all day to talk to Bernie and now she didn’t feel like she could wait a second longer. The weight of it was pulling her down, like a swimmer lost in the chaos of a troubled sea.

“Bernie, um, before you shower can I talk to you for a second?” Serena asked quickly, afraid her courage would run out. 

Bernie nodded and sat on the edge of the bed reaching her hand out to cover Serena’s. 

“What has you so nervous?” 

“I...Well…” Serena began.

“You can tell me anything” Bernie said encouragingly. 

“Well, the thing is, I don’t want to hurt you. But I know that things left unsaid fester and I would hate for anything to come between us. Secondly it’s the month of Elul. And if I don’t say this now I am afraid I will live with it forever.”

Bernie was quiet but gave Serena a little half smile and squeezed her hand.

Serena took a breath “Remember last year? After, after Eleanor? When I said I didn’t know there would be a caveat for you coming back? I want you to know that echoed in my mind for months while I was gone. My mind, when it was finally cleared enough from grief to think, knew I didn’t believe that. Not really. I will never have a reason for Eleanor’s death. In life some things have no reason at all. Which makes them all the harder to swallow. But you being here, loving me, is a gift. You have been through so much right alongside me this past year and I am so eternally grateful to have you. Do you forgive me?”

Bernie’s eyes were wet when Serena finally lifted her eyes to her again. 

“I love you Serena Wendy Campbell. While I admit it hurt me, it was said in the haze of grief. I forgive you for that and anything else that came before. You and I have our whole lives ahead of us. Let’s not waste another second on regretting the past.”

The forgiveness was sealed with a kiss.


End file.
